Guiding your way through the clouds of grief when you say goodbye.
Emotional Support for You When You Say Goodbye
Know WHERE to say goodbye
Once you have come to terms with the diagnosis and the realization that your pet’s life is short, you face the decision of how this precious life might end. There are basically three alternatives:
In-office euthanasia
The familiarity of your long-time vet may be as comforting to you as it is to your pet. Seeing favorite vet techs and your veterinarian may help ease the discomfort you both feel as you say goodbye. If this is your decision, remember that you still have choices to make.
Some families want to take their pet home after an in-office euthanasia to grieve quietly and privately with the body present. You may also want to have remaining pets sniff or otherwise investigate the passing. If this is what you want to do, there is no reason not to do so.
Some families want to have me receive their pet directly from the veterinarian’s office once the euthanasia is complete.
Palliative care at home
If you have decided to provide palliative care (comfort measures and pain relief while letting the disease take its inevitable course) and are waiting for the passing to occur naturally, we can discuss what you might want to do once your pet has passed. We can talk in advance of your pet’s passing to answer questions about timing, keeping the body in the home for a short time, and transportation. You would then call me whenever your pet has passed and we will make arrangements as quickly as possible.
Home euthanasia
If you are facing a home euthanasia, calling me to make arrangements ahead of time will allow us to meet when you need me. While there is no need to rush with the disposition of the body, you may want to limit the amount of time you keep your pet unpreserved in your home. Especially during warm weather, you should try to finalize your decisions and have your pet received by me within no more than 8 to 12 hours after the passing. See the Veterinary Resources page for a listing of veterinarians that will come to your home to provide this service.
Know WHEN the time has come to say goodbye
A Review and Excerpt from Speaking for Spot by Dr. Nancy Kay
Speaking for Spot: Be The Advocate Your Dog Needs To Live a Happy, Healthy, Longer Life, Dr. Nancy Kay, 2008, Trafalgar Square
During the conversations that I have with families leading up to the decision of euthanasia, we talk about the illness, disease or situation that is leading to the end of their pet’s life. Oftentimes, families struggle with guilt, wondering if they have done everything they “should”. Having this book as a resource would be a comfort during such uncertain times.
“Speaking For Spot” strives to provide anatomy, diagnosis, treatment and outcome information on a number of common canine medical concerns. Dr Kay wrote the book to help pet families understand what is available and possible to treat their dog.
The book details numerous diagnostic and treatment options that are available, helping those of us who are not vets understand what is happening and what can be done. She explains the types of tests and where they are typically found.
She had established a “Ten Commandments of Veterinary Office Visits” that is useful no matter what type of pet you care for and love. Knowing how to maximize the time you spend with your vet helps you leave the office feeling not only that your financial expenditure was worthwhile but that you are an integral part of your pet’s care.
In my experience, families who receive the diagnosis of cancer are both terrified and overwhelmed. While it often appears to be a death sentence, Dr. Kay encourages families to consider their options while keeping in mind that a decision to treat cancer should balance the quality of life with the quantity of life.
When she is working with a family who is struggling with the decision to euthanize a pet, she recommends that they ask themselves the following four questions:
- Does you pet still have an enthusiastic response to something or someone?
- Do the good days outnumber the bad?
- What do your pet’s eyes/soul seem to be saying to you?
- Are you ready to let your pet leave you?
Dr. Kay has coined the phrase “closure time” to refer to the time that exists between the decision to euthanize and the day the euthanasia actually takes place. She encourages families to ignore all the rules that they normally lived by with their pet and enjoy whatever they feel their pet would enjoy – a forbidden food, an off limits activity or just spending a concentrated number of hours laying about and loving them.
She offers information and advice about the euthanasia process which will help a family feel more prepared, knowing what to expect. Thinking about how to incorporate young children into the decision and the process, she emphasizes the need to honestly explain what is happening and reminds us that kids are the best lie detectors.
Finally, she discusses the concept of hospice care as an alternative to euthanasia. Families need to consider the time commitment that this choice entails. In the Pittsburgh area, we are fortunate to have a traveling veterinarian whose practice is dedicated to pet hospice care. (See the Resources page for name and contact information.)
For all the stages of your life with your dog, this book is an invaluable manual that all dog owners should read and keep handy for reference. If you have a pet other than a dog, there are many parts of this book that apply across all types of pets. We can only hope that “Talking for Tabby” is her next endeavor.
There are some incredibly useful charts and worksheets in her website www.speakingforspot.com I highly recommend this book—it is a great place to start when you have a medical question or concern.
Know HOW to say goodbye
Grief Support for ADULTS:
Because our pets are such an integral part of our daily life, the grief experienced upon the loss of your pet may even be more intense than grief occuring during the loss of a human family member. For emotional support I invite you to read an article by Elizabeth Babcock LCSW, LLC at Grief: What All Mourners Need to Know.
Grief Support for CHILDREN:
Cat Heaven and Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant, two books I regularly recommend.
Especially when children are involved, these two books provide concepts and vocabulary to help ease your child’s pain of loss.
Chartiers Custom Pet Cremation
Phone: 412-220-7800
442 Washington Avenue Bridgeville, Pennsylvania 15017